Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Bluebird Theory

I I had a friend (i screwed up that friendship - but he's a nice guy and will eventually let me off the hook - maybe I'll call him today - but i probably won't) and he owned a fancy men's store. It was very nice and he was and is a very good merchant. One Saturday he called me and he told me that a bluebird landed. A guy bought about $3k of clothes - this is 1999-2000 - and that was 5% of monthly store sales in 1 day! Wow.

Anyway i asked him how often this happened. He thought about it a bit and told me that it was about 1-2 times every 2-3 months. Therein was the birth of the
Blue Bird Theory.

Something that happens repetitively - though sparsely - is not a
Bluebird. Indeed, if understood, repeatable bad things could be eliminated or delayed or repeatable good things increased or sped up or both. People often will attribute to chance that which has a real pattern. And that attribution is a counter intuitive car accident. This new research that had been floated regarding decision making process and such is the antiChrist to the Bluebird Theory. The Bluebird theory requires questioning, examination, review, thought, and so on. BUT when applied and understood it is liberating.

Now i just read in the WSJ - "U.S. consumer prices rose 0.7% during January as food and energy costs jumped, but excluding those volatile categories, inflation pressures remained largely contained." Now what sense does that make? - these things indeed are volatile - but they are repetitive and they look like they will continue - if anyone asked which direction the larger group of us might say up - so why in hell would anyone report what the WSJ just said? THIS IS REVERSE BLUEBIRD THEORY! The use of the Bush Administration to exclude what is common, repeatable, identifiable, quantifiable, expected, is exactly what the Bluebird Theory states. And YOUR government is trying to tell us these factors are a Buebird - WHEN THEY ARE NOT!

A recent report widely distributed concluded with
'Follow your gut,' study advises on big decisions. Now I'm very much in agreement with this basic advise - however it must be applied carefully - since examination does lead to determination. The key is to not waste the time making the determination when no more is known and the final conclusion is the same as the gut instinctual one. combined with observation, consideration, calculation and conclusion.

An extreme yet important and overlooked example of the
Bluebird Theory would be the "January Thaw". If more thought and attention were given to the January Thaw many societal problems would be solved permanently. More about that later. But I gotta say - every year people are surprised by the the warm temperatures (this has nothing to do with global warming) in late December, early January - and they all say - January Thaw as though they knew it before despite their surprise during and then prediction after the fact.

Finally - i wanna say "fu" but someone told me it wasn't necessary - which it really is - but i decided to stop saying "fu" so . . . . . . . . the end.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Two Minute Egg Theory

This is a very important theory. Newton referred to this theory of mine when he thought out the fundamental principles of his theory of gravitation, namely, that every particle of matter attracts every other particle, and he suspected that the attraction varied as the product of their masses and inversely as the square of the distance between them.

Now what in the hell could the Two Minute Egg Theory have to do with Newton you ask. Newton began to describe the physical world in which we live and therefore the same world in which eggs live.

And long ago people simultaneously figured out that boiling an egg for two minutes provided what they thought was the perfect balance of cooked consistency and loose natural consistency (if you ask me it's grosssssss!). And for centuries people have subsequently requested, prepared, delivered, & eaten Two Minute Eggs.

So - again how does this relate to Newton? This is important so listen up - as much as Newton defined gravity and its existence and even calculation - so did he corroborate my Two Minute Egg Theory. There is no Two Minute Egg that is done before two minutes - is it not a two minute egg if it cooks for three minutes. IT IS ONLY A TWO MINUTE EGG IF IT COOKS FOR EXACTLY TWO MINUTES.

And therein lies the brilliance of the Two Minute Egg Theory: Not in all of time past and all of time yet to come can a Two Minute Egg be done UNTIL TWO MINUTES HAVE PASSED! If you are expecting, if you want, if you hoped, if you planned, if you squeezed your buttocks together and prayed for a result and you seek it before its time - it won't happen. NOTHING - ABOSULTELY NOTHING - can be achieved before it is DONE, FINISHED, COMPLETE, WORKING, EXISTENT, OPERATIVE - and any hoping, praying and wishing you do along the way won't change that.

So get real - get with the deal - and last but not least, either wait the two minutes or change your order.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

The Big Girl Theory


This is the first theory I've filled out. It's not really - there's one theory that I've filled out over here - The I'm not a Bastard Theory (since i created over there but i included here too!)- but here on the Theory inventory this is the first other than the one on the other spot - there are none. so there. fu.

Anyway the Big Girl Theory is an interesting theory since its a behavior observed when one watches big girls but its one that is universal and can be applied to men, women, boys, girls, catholics, jews, asians, and so on.

Let's start with what is a big girl? First off I'm not talking about fat, overweight girls. They're big all right and some of them can be attractive like a big fluffy kitty but other than that they're not of big girl stuff.

Big Girls are tall, and built. They are not the normal height, nor mass. And when they walk into a room they're noticed regardless of their gender. They aways have a presence and no matter where they are they look just right for the circumstances, the right general gear on, the right look, you know - plaid on a windy fall day, and sheer linen on a hot summer one. They almost always have thick hair and they faintly look like Hepburn in some or many ways. They're "handsome" women. They have a great figure - usually long legs that leave them with a shorter torso - but since they have a great figure it makes their hips even more pronounced. Big Girls - since they have a great figure - almost always have nice breasts. They may not be large but they're always shapely.

OK - you demand so what is The Big Girl Theory - well - here goes. When you are somewhere - you are going somewhere - you have been somewhere - you will know those that own where you have been. Now i don't mean legally - I mean by their demeanor. And they're demeanor - those that own - is different - just enough from everyone else - that it is a behavior of almost any size, gender, ethnicity, and nationality. And it is the swagger and comfort with the command one has that is the behavior of Big Girls. Big Girls know they can extinguish small girls with one swing of their massive fists. Big Girls also know they can slay even the largest man with their sensuality and handsomeness and men know they can be slain as well and they look down averting the eyes of the Big Girl.

Big Girls behavior is one of command and ownership. And if you command or own all of the space in which you exist - no matter your size, no matter your gender, and so on - you're a BIG GIRL.

Friday, February 10, 2006

I'm Not A Bastard Theory

How many times have you heard someone say what they are not? It's a silly way to speak and a crooked way to think.
"I'm not a bastard." What are they thinking? I mean it - - think about what is going on inside they're head. Travel through those possible thoughts with me. Parse that commentary.
Most declarations have a purpose - we declare to inform, educate, explain, warn, ...... lots of other motivations as well. The declaration of what isn't derives from the speakers belief that "it" is known by others !!!!!! Why else would one declare what I don't see, think, feel, hear, smell . . . . . They think I do! So my conclusion is simple - the declaration of what one isn't is an uneasy affirmation of the speaker's belief that they may be, or, are seen just as they claim not to be.
Telling us what you are not is a window into the speaker's thoughts. Actions are evidence and they pile up and stick around. The accumulation of actions convince, and they become true objects in our lives. And objects - real objects have a truth in their existence. They do speak louder than words.

Oh, and by the way - I AM NOT A BASTARD! fu.

Star Market Theory

I no longer shop at Star Market. I've gone there probably 400-700 times over the past 20 years. So that's a fair number of visits - yes? Yes. Now every time I've gone there they have absolutely, completely, each and every time, required me to pay with either cash or plastic.

Never in all the times i have shopped there did they let me give them payment in some other form of equivalent value. I would like to give them freshly picked lettuce from a fictional garden of mine. I could make something like a craft kinda thing and then I could give them whatever equalled the value of the groceries purchased that day. They always seem to want money - payment. And they want it right away - not later that day - not later that week - RIGHT AWAY! Well they have a nerve.

For years startups have offered me stock instead of or in addition to cash. I would have loved to take it - maybe it would be worth something substantial one day - maybe not. And I would think about it each and every time. But - each time I ran into the Star Market obstacle - would they take stock to pay for the groceries? I knew the answer - NO!

SO when Star Market starts taking stock from me to pay for groceries - then I will take stock from the companies that offer it to me instead of cash. Now there's one more application of this so important theory. What it really means is that alternate forms of currency often and almost always just don't fly. And finally if love is what you're looking for squeezing your buttocks just won't work!

TV Theory

This Theory is all about when something is done and when it's not ..... and how you do that forever ...... more terribly insightful information coming when i have the time.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Things End Fast